So I did a quick google search and to my dismay this isn't the first American Pickers Fan Fiction.

Hey, it's okay though! I figure this'll be the first American Pickers Horror Fan Fiction! Oh my god, its such a good show, like Mike and Frank are so dumb and so gleeful that you can help but make them into serial killers amirite?

So here's a quick synopsis of the show. It's these 2 guys, Frank and Mike, and they travel across America going into garages and farms, and offering people money for their old shit. Then they turn around and sell the old shit to make a profit. What draws me to them the most is their genuine interest in the people they interact with. Yea its cool to buy a 1920's peddle car for like $80 bucks, fix it up, and turn around and sell it for $400, but to Frank and Mike, it's all about the journey! THE FUCKIN JOURNEY BRO! and the people they meet, its like so sincere!

They also have this hot chick, Danielle on the show. She runs the shop and send them to leads that she receives. She's hot okay? She has this goth americana thing going on. She probably looks up to Dita Von Teese and thinks Jesse James is hot...

Okay, wait a minute...who made this jerk off famous? Really Jesse James? This fuckin tool? Is he in a cover band? I honestly dont know why hes famous. God dammit, he was even married to Sandra Bullock!!! America's Sweet heart!! Daddy issues much Sandra?? Oh my god, this guy is a walking cliche, hes so boring. Fuck this guy. He reminds me of this this dude I knew in high school that listened to Green Day and kicked people in the shins before runing away. WHO FUCKIN DOES THAT?!!?!?

Helen hunt

Anyways, Mike is the debonair one? LOL, I mean, out of the two of them, yes, but in the real world, he's more of the plucky best friend. He's like Paul from the Wonder Years. Good natured, pretty attractive if you are a ho-hum Susie Q from West Virginia, I guess? But, this fool is just a bit off, ya know? You know his type in high school, just weird hobbies, but Mike is very confident, knows how to talk to people, and all-around great guy. Frank and Mike go gaga for specific old items, and Mike prefers motorcycles, old bikes, pedal cars, and cowboy chaps for his daughter.

mig frank pickers

FRANKIE!!!! FRANK FRANK FRANK!!!
LOOK AT THIS FUCKIN MONSTER!!
Fuckin beast mode! The Antique Assassin! The Weirdo with the Beardo! The Bundle King! Mr. Steal-yo-girl-so-he-can-skin-her-alive-and-put-here-eye-in-an-old-oil-can!

That last one was fucking catchy! What can I say about Frank that hasn't already been said? I can say that he gets crazy head from Atlanta strippers while doing coke off their tits, but that has already been said. Frank is....kinda...I mean...it goes without saying...he's a fuckin boob. I mean, he's sorta clumsy, says dad jokes, but c'mon dont you just wanna hug him? HAHAHAHA, I mean, his favorite stuff to pick are old oil cans and signs from businesses. How adorable, I love you Frankie! Lets get junk drunk! And when i say that I mean lets inject meth into our brains! Peep some episodes, enjoy the fan fiction! I also included the tweet that launched me into wanting to write fan fiction.

american miggers