when the first kiss feels like "fuck, i fucked that up"

Her name was Lakelynn Miller (LMAOHOAHAH!!  IT TOTALLY ISN'T. I just tried thinking of the whitest name, but I realized I can't type "Lakelynn Miller" without bursting into laughter!! Let's just go with Brooke Miller LOLOL. Oh shit, where was I....?)

Her name was Brooke Miller and she was a woman, BAZOOMS homie. She was one of the 4.5  white girls I’ve ever kissed. Are jewish girls white? I don’t know, maybe? I’m countering her as a .5. I’m 30 right now, and let me tell you, my first real kiss was a white girl, and I’m making sure my last kiss will be another white girl. They the future!

I met Brooke in English class junior year. We started talking second semester, but we never actually met. She was the stoner hippie white girl that skipped school and I was the quiet Asian kid that took notes. She was like 5’11/5’12, 140 pounds of just meat and boobs (BOOBS). Jesus Christ. She played for the water polo team and so she was surprisingly athletic, like Brooke was ready to murk an unsuspecting pedestrian with a leg drop off the top rope if you ever piss her off.

We were watching a bullshit movie one day, probably of Mice and Men or something.

Hey George! I..I..I'm just petting this mouse George! MOUSE GEORGE!
                                   -Mig (Y'all really missing this top tier impression. Spot on.) 

I moved away from my desk so I can go and hang out with Ryan. Omg, thank god Ryan was in that class or else I would have been stuck with this very AZN pride Chinese gangsta girl that worked in a pc cafe in Rowland Heights. Like fuck no I ain't going to your fuckin TRG (Tiny Rascal Gang) infested hole in the wall piece of shit PC cafe. Fuckin get shot over there. Or worse, get peer pressured into doing Asian things like loitering in front of Boba shops and never looking cool. Fack dat. I didn’t understand the Asians in high school. They were so caught up in that pseudo-gangster fast and furious lifestyle and the very few that I did speak to wanted me to join them. Like wow, way to continue stereotypes and not think for yourself. 

Anyways...

As Ryan and I sat quietly in our corner, making jokes about Lennie and taking notes, (NERRRRDDDS) I noticed a hefty homeless lady sitting at my desk. I didn’t think too much of it, and as I unknowingly watched her flip through my psychology book...something suddenly just clicked. It was like a wave of neurons simultaneously firing and exploding, flooding synaptic gaps with information and impulses. I don’t what was said or even how the conversation even started, but all I know is something propelled me to get up from my chair, walk over and spit some FIRE ASS GAME. La Flame level MOUNT VESUVIUS!  Mig just used Holleration! Your attack is super effective! 

I have no recollection on what I said, but I imagine it going something like this…

This is me btw. I hope by the time you read this, this man and what he represents isn’t lost on you. It’s Pitbull aka, Mr. Worldwide and he is a suave mother fucker, and I aspire to be someone like him. Anyways, yo boi hot spitta... 

“Hey, what'cha reading over there?”
“Oh, hi....sorry is this your psychology book?”
“Well yea, I have it second period”
“Oh cool, I’ve always wanted to take that class”
“Yea? You should. A mind is a beautiful thing to waste. I could show you a few things if you like”
“Uhh, sure...like what”
*Opens up book to a picture of a Rorschach test*      
“What do you see?”
“I don’t know it looks like a butterfly”
“Naw baby, the only thing I see is me and you”

CULO!!!

So I got her number and, you know, your boi did his thing. He laid the charm game thick. We enjoyed hanging out during passing period and talking on the phone. I was playing it slow, you know, hard to get. You don’t want to show all your cards before the flop. So you know, one day I be talking to her and making plans to chill. She says that she’s excited to watch the new Drumline movie and I’m like,”Word, me too shortay” and then she starts to complain how her black boyfriend never takes her anywhere doesn’t give her enough attention.

Ffuuuuuuuccckckck. I mean, I guesssss…I GUUUEESSSSS. Like bitch are you for serial? Like, you couldn’t have told me sooner? When I told my cousin Kristina who I was talking to she was all like, “Omg, You’re going out with BROOKE MILLER?!?!?! She’s dated like the whole basketball team”. Ffuuuuuuuccckckck. I mean, I guess…I GUESS.

I mean, she was cool peoples and I wasn’t the type to just disown her as a friend just because she had a boy. We continued talking and she even made me my first ever mix cd! Sooo cute!! I still have it and god damn, you knew you were special when a chick makes you a mix, especially back in the day!

So eventually Brooke and her dude broke up, it was just a matter of time. Yo boi, young Johnny Appleseed, planting trees, waiting for them fruits to ripen, so I can just pick them off the branch. Harvest Time!

She even told her mom about me. I came over to their house one time to listen to music and she was so excited to finally meet me. I think she was just happy that it wasn’t droves of black dudes plowing into her daughter. Jesus, Brooke! She was built for some drilling though. Somewhere in high school she started listening to Mob Barley and smoking the pot. She like one of those bohemian chicks that didn’t shower daily. Like, she was an ounce of weed and 1 more Jamaican dick away from getting dreads. Wow.

Lol. I remember the first time we kissed it was so sweet. I didn’t have my car at the time so one day she drove to my pad and pick me up. My mom was more than surprised to meet her. Maybe more frightened than anything else. Brooke could have easily killed my mom with a hammer fist. My dad would have tried to stop her and he woulda ate a boot to the sternum.

After introducing her to my parents, I invited her to my room, because I wanted to talk to her in private. My mom gave me that look like she’s saying, “Yo, you better keep your door open when she's here”. I knew this because before Brooke came over she's said, “Yo, you better keep your door open when she's here.”, followed by “She’s white Mig, don’t you know they don’t shower”

Side note: My mom does not approve of interracial dating. That means she don't like me dating white girls, black girls, Indians, Koreans, Vietnamese whatever....oh, are you scratching your head because I included other Asians in this list? IS IT BECAUSE US ASIANS AREN'T ALL THE SAME YOU FUCK!! 

Well, I took her to my room and I shut the door behind her.

Let a caged bird fly mom! Leave me alone! Our mixed babies finna be beautiful!

Deep breathes Mig, you are doing great! Brooke tried to give me one of those, cute, “come hither” smiles, and I reciprocated the gesture by making the face you make when you just walked out of a dark room and into the sun for the first time. Deep breathes de-eeep breathes…. I looked her in the face and say, “He-eey, would it be cool if I kissed you?”. (is your name Sade? Cause you are a smooth operator!)

She smiled and said “yuhs” and I closed my eyes and leaned in for a kiss. Well, it was less of a "lean in",  and more of a "lean up" cause she was taller than me, but Wowww. My first real kiss. MAGICAL!

We made out for a few minutes, half the time I had my eyes open. I just never looked at anyone that close before. New experiences are awesome! We finished making out and I gently rested my head on her shoulder. Just, letting her caress me. DAMN. Just once, please let me be the small spoon! Just once! SHIT!

She gave an "awww.." the same way you would give an "awww..." if you saw a baby bird with a broken wing. We held hands as we left and she whisked me away. 

I think that was the night we smoked weed from a Pepsi can behind a Target. She really knew how to take me out on a date. Our relationship didn’t last long after that. She called a few times and I would answer, but I wouldn’t be there mentally anymore ya know? Soon we drifted away. It was just one of those thing I suppose.

Maybe I just wanted to kiss it and quit it. Make out break out. 

I think we stopped seeing each other towards the end of Junior year, and I didn’t even see her until the very last day of school, senior year. I saw her smiling, laughing, trotting along with another huge bitch. I hope she is doing well though, and training dolphins like she always wanted. I love dolphins, they are such majestic and complicated creatures. Just like Lakelynn... LMAO LOL AHHAHAHHAH!!!!